s07e25-Search Committee
It's a beautiful morning
at Dunder Mifflin--
Or as I like to call it
Great Bratton.
Keep it running.
Do I love being manager?
I love my kids.
I love real estate.
I love ceramics.
I love my job.
I-I love wrestling.
Find out what language this is.
Okay.
Team building.
On this side of the room,
Stanley, Phyllis, Jim,
Ted, Elroy.
On this side of the room,
Pam, Meredith, Phyllis, Creed
He never called a meeting.
BoBody.
BoBody.
What does the first "b"
stand for?
What are we doing?
We're making acronyms.
Okay!
What does the first "b"
stand for?
Business!
I like it!
Business.
Good, Kevin!
All right, the "o"
We need a new manager.
Your paper experience
is very interesting.
Do you think you could
use that experience
to inform decisions here?
Absolutely, I--
Yes.
In fact, I actually have
a three-step plan
that I believe could effectively
double your profits.
- Really?
- Yeah.
What is it?
Nice try.
Uh
I'm sorry.
W-what is your
three-step plan?
Well, I mean, I can't
just hand you my plan.
I mean, if you guys
give me the job,
then-- Then you'll get
the plan.
Welllt's an interview,
and we don't know
that you really have the plan.
I'm not gonna just make up
that I have a plan.
I got a plan.
Believe me, you guys want it.
You're in paper, right?
How do we know that
if you don't
You could just be saying it
to get the job.
I guess I could be if I was
Who would do that?
How about this.
Why don't you give us
a part of the plan,
and that way
we know you have it.
Tell you what.
I'll give you
part three of part two.
Not gonna give you
a whole part.
Okay.
Color-code
said document.
TM.
- Did you just trademark that?
- W-what?
That's a verbal trademark.
That's an agreement.
We are the search committee
Hand-picked by our CEO
and tasked to find
this branch's new manager.
Not everyone we meet
will be good,
but someone's
bound to be, right?
And to be honest,
I think a lot of
the decent candidates
are right here in house.
So I'm not too worried.
But I'm really excited
to spend a lot of time
with Toby and Gabe.
Did you know
that Gabe's last name was Lewis?
I had no idea.
Good morning.
- Morning.
- Good morning.
Good morning.
Did you have a nice drive in?
I did.
I have a solid
relationship with Jo,
the company's owner.
I have management experience.
I have a good friendship
with Jim,
the head of
the search committee.
And it doesn't hurt that I'm
* Black! *
It's good.
I really hope you get it.
The manager job?
Naw, I'm barely interested.
I just can't not go for it,
you know.
It's not the Bernard way.
We give it the old college try,
and then in defeat,
we show grace.
StillI'd really
like to see this office
with you in the boss's chair.
Don't even
- You in the boss's chair!
- Eeehhh! No.
In my family, you don't
really go out and get things.
If you want something,
you write it on a list
and then the housekeeper
goes out and gets it
on wednesdays and Fridays.
SoI don't know.
I guess you could say
this job is on my list and
We'll see what rosa
comes back with.
Did you hear anything?
OhI'm sure
they'll let us know
when they get the results.
It turns out that Erin was born
in the basic time and region
that I gave away a child.
So Phyllis might be my mom.
I mean,
the chances are tiny, but
Yeah.
But probably not.
I mean, it was
a big year for babies.
Porky's had come out.
Yeah.
I'm sure I was just
another porky's baby.
But why not find out?
Yeah.
Should you really be
so blatant about that?
They won't make me manager,
and I won't settle
for anything less.
I've gone about as far
as I can here.
That's obvious.
Time to take my talents
elsewhere.
Are you really gonna
apply for work
at Scranton Breadworks?
Bread is the paper
of the food industry.
You write your sandwich on it.
Can you do any better
on salary?
Unfortunately,
that range is set at corporate.
What about mileage
when I use my car?
I mean,
gas ain't cheap, you know.
We think that
How 'bout 27 and, uh
When I make long-distance
calls
will they be monitored,
or is it on the honor system?
Okay.
How odd!
A very unusual phone call
from the senator's office.
The senator wants me
to have lunch with him
at the botanical gardens.
The botanical gardens
Scranton's hidden gem.
Don't eat any berries
you don't recognize.
How will your experience
selling refinery equipment
translate to our
smaller scale here?
You don't work in sales,
do you?
UhHuman resources.
You see,
I sit across from a man
I see his face.
I see his eyes.
Now, does it matter
if he wants $100 of paper
or $100 million
of deep-sea drilling equipment?
Don't be a fool.
He wants respect.
He wants love.
He wants to be younger.
He wants to be attractive.
There is no such thing
as a product.
Don't ever think there is.
Ere is only sex.
Everything is sex.
You understand
that what I'm telling you
is a universal truth, Toby.
Yes.
Okay, I-I--
I amI'm almost
a little concerned
that you might be overqualified
for the position.
Do you, um
Do you think that you are?
Do I look like someone
who--
Who'd waste my own time?
No.
Can y--
You are a man
of great confidence.
Could you speak
a little more to that
and what the role of confidence
would be in a dialogue
with a subordinate?
Will you be heard?
Will you have a voice?
Will I steamroll over you?
Do you feel heard
right now, Jim?
Do you have a voice right now?
You can answer me.
Yes.
That was your choice, not mine.
The fallacy is that it is
up to the steamroller.
It is up to the object
Whether it will be
flattened or not.
And I can tell just from
the small interaction
we've had already,
you won't be flattened
by anybody.
Do you agree with me, Jim?
- Yes.
- Yes, you do.
He creeps me out.
But I think
he might be a genius.
Good luck, Darryl.
Thank you.
Think about it.
What other mammal,
besides humans,
drinks the milk
of another mammal?
I mean, you don't see a bear
drinking raccoon milk.
So this is cool.
I think we make a good fit.
Oh.
Uh, we haven't
started the interview yet.
Were you--
Were you joking?
UhYes.
I was.
Little joke.
So how would you go about
settling interpersonal conflicts
within the office?
I thought that was your job.
Well, it's one of my strengths,
but it's the manager's job.
Well, for instance,
how did you deal with it
when two warehouse guys
got into a fight?
I'll answer that, Jim.
I would use it
as an opportunity to teach
Uh, about actions
and consequences
of actions.
Who's that?
So I think all we need
is a resume,
and we'll be good, right?
I-I just thought
you knew me.
Yeah, it's no big deal.
Just something
that looks like that.
Cool.
Let me
Cool.
Did, uh, you just interview?
Oh.
Unfortunately, yes.
W-what do you mean?
That business
can't attract anyone.
It's awful up there.
Those people seem like
they're in prison
waiting out life sentences
in a
Dying industry.
Place must be horrible.
I don't know
if I want this job.
Well, if I get this job offer,
then I know
that I'm gonna take it.
And if I take it, I know
that I'm never gonna quit.
And then 25 years
are gonna go by, and
I'm gonna die here.
What makes you feel qualified
to judge a place
after a mere interview?
What are you doing?
Stop trying to figure me out.
- I just did.
- You can't.
- It's done.
- No, it's not.
I know you now.
I know your nature.
You don't know me-- You don't
know anything about me.
- I'm done.
- Get out of my head.
- Not worth continuing.
- Stop trying to figure me out.
Do you even know
anything about paper?
How it's made?
I saw an episode
on how they make paper
on sesame street.
Get out.
I'm gonna prevent inferior men
from sullying my place of work
with their weak,
passionless leadership.
Do you see my hat?
No?
That's because I just
threw it in the ring.
You guys pay for relocation,
though, right?
Well, why would you need
relocation
if you already live
in Scranton?
Well, I'd wanna move
further away, you know?
JustDon't want any chance
of running into my coworkers
outside the office.
Can I ask why
you're leaving your current job?
I'm leaving my other job
because they were all
Jerks.
Really.
You know, all of them.
You had your jerk wads
and your jerk offs, so
Just between the wads
and the offs,
I just--
I had to get outta there.
Is this a bad time
to be doing this?
I'm having a bad time.
I'm sorry.
I-if we did something
to upset you,
I-I'm sure it was
inadvertent.
Wait.
Oh, why did I believe
that weirdo in the lobby?
These are the nicest people
I ever met.
Thank you.
It's gorgeous, Angela.
Yeah, I actually know
about nice rings,
and it is gorgeous.
OhWow.
It's a little flashy.
I mean, what am I
Naomi judd?
- Tell us the freaking story!
- Yeah, tell us the story.
Okay.
He took me to the replica
of Monet's Japanese bridge.
And then he put this flower
behind my ear,
which normally I would hate,
'cause it's so civil rightsy.
Then he got down
on one knee and he said,
"will you be
a senator's wife?"
Oh! He talked about himself
in the third person?
Yes, Pam.
Not everyone is as informal
as you and Jim.
"Oh, hey, Pam, dude, whatever.
Wanna marry me?"
That's not accurate.
Then I saw flashes.
Reporters were there.
They always find us.
And everyone was crying.
Even his aide.
Angela's engaged to a gay man.
As a gay man, I'm horrified.
As a friend of Angela's,
horrified.
As a lover of elegant weddings,
I'm a little excited.
But overall, horrified.
Andy?
You all set?
Okay, guys.
It's time.
It's pep talk time.
Tell me what I need to hear.
Are you sure
this is a good idea?
I hate to see you disappointed.
I think Andy
should be the boss.
He's just so great.
If I'm being objective,
then Darryl, of course.
So Andy,
what improvements would you make
as office manager?
For starters, I really think
we can streamline communication
around here.
Whoa.
That's
a very heavy accusation
to level against Toby.
- I wasn't a-accusing--
- Well, Toby's in charge
of human resources.
That would include
communication.
I think that Toby's
done a fine job.
Right.
I-I-I really wasn't
trying to insult a-anyone.
I didn't think you were.
I have two relationships
with Andy.
I have a personal relationship,
and I have a professional
relationship.
Personally, yeah,
I think he's a rat
and I think he's responsible
for the demise of my
relationship with Erin.
Professionally
He broke up the happiest
couple in this office.
How many windows are there
in New York City?
- What?
- Critical thinking.
Common on-the-spot question
asked in an interview.
Okay.
UhLet me think.
Are you counting car windows?
No.
How far away
is the sun?
Uh, 93 million Miles.
- Is it?
- Yeah.
And the diameter of the sun
is 870,000 miles,
which makes it 109 times
wider than the earth
and 333,000 times
heavier than the earth.
Shut up about the sun.
Shut up about the sun!
I am unhappy with the confusing
and, at times, confrontational
nature of that meeting.
I wanted it to go better.
I wanted it to go better!
Yes, there used to be
a paper clip
that would pop up and say,
"looks like you are writing
a letter or resume.
Would you like help?"
I believe his name was
Clippy.
First of all, I wanna thank you
for your years
of patronizing our company.
I've got some bad news.
We're going out of business.
Saving face.
Yep, yep.
I understand that.
Basically everything's
falling apart here.
How is this on me?
Hang up.
Corporate needs you
to find the differences
between this picture
and this picture.
Intel has told us
there are at least seven.
Okay.
I already see one.
Gimme.
Okay.
They're the same picture.
Well, I manage my department,
and I've been doing that
for several years now.
And, God, I've learned a lot
of life lessons along the way.
Your department's
just you, right?
Yes, Jim, but I am not
easy to manage.
Great.
Um, can we just
- What was that?
- We just have
a lot of serious candidates
to get through today, so
Am I not a serious candidate?
What do you want me to say?
I mean, there's a line
of qualified people out there.
We have a video CV
from England.
Are we all just gonna
pretend to--
okay.
Um
What are your weaknesses?
I don't have any, asshole.
I want an interview.
How's the family?
Good.
- Good? Are they good?
- Yeah.
What's your daughter's
name again?
Peepee?
- Peepa.
- Peepa.
How is she?
- Great.
- Great!
Oh, that's great.
We never were very good
at smalltalk, were we, Jim?
- No.
- Now, listen--
You're not getting
an interview, Dwight.
The whole point
of this search committee process
is to prevent hiring
someone like you ever again.
Okay.
I know why
you're saying that, Jim.
I really do.
But think of it this way.
The hand that reaches
from the grave
to grip your throat
is the strong hand
you want on the wheel.
- Okay.
That's vivid.
- Now, I'm gonna make you
an offer, okay?
You even do so little
as grant me an interview,
I will guarantee you
your dream work life, okay?
You roll in at 10:00 AM
to your own private
reserved parking spot,
pick up your daily free coffee
from Dwight's caffeine corner,
unlimited sex breaks
for you and Pam.
- Yikes.
- Erin will eat garbage
for your entertainment.
Wow.
You know how I like
taking bribes.
- Ha ha!
- But unfortunately,
jo also took the job
away from you
because she doesn't
trust your judgment.
So how would that look for me
if I recommended you?
Fine.
I'll do it without you.
You'll regret this.
Okay.
Let me get that for you.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
Pam, I think Robert is gay.
The senator?
He was married before,
and he has a kid.
- So--
- And don't say that thing
about how lots of gay guys
have kids.
I have a very strong suspicion.
Did you see him at a bathhouse?
What bathhouse?
The windowless building
by the Baskin Robbins.
What?
Forget it.
I'm never
gonna know what goes on there.
My friend at the Scranton blade
is totally plugged into
these matters.
You're in the gay mafia.
You're thinking of
another group--
Much wealthier, much older.
You sound ignorant.
You guys, um
Talking senator?
- No.
- No.
Why would we be talking
about the senator?
'Cause he's totally gay.
How do I know
that Robert is gay?
He "liked" my Facebook photos
at 3:00 in the morning.
Name-- David Brent.
Occupation-- Inspirer.
Status-- None of your business.
Young, free,
and single, though.
Thanks for asking.
Hey, you're looking
for a new boss, yeah?
Someone to tell
a bunch of discontented,
under-encouraged drones
what to do every day.
Is that it? Oh.
Our out-of-touch powers that be.
Want me to fire them?
They don't see things your way?
Then I am that dude.
Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye.
Get some other corporate suit
to lay down the law.
What?
You've changed your mind?
You're now looking for
a leader of men?
Ipso factoWomen too.
When do I start?
Do you know what it took
to get Bob to notice me?
I waited in his office
every morning
wearing nothing but
kitty cat ears.
I did that every day
for two weeks.
And on the tenth day,
he walked in.
He was naked too,
except a dog nose.
- Guess what we did then?
- I don't think I can do that--
- Bestiality.
- Yeah.
That's not my personality.
If my daughter
were asking me
Yes?
I would say
if you want someone--
If you really want them--
Go get them.
I do really want him.
So, uh
Here you go.
- Great.
- Hope it's all right.
I'm sure it's fine.
The guy who was
in here earlier,
interviewed after me
How'd he do?
Howard cline?
That's not
who I'm talking about.
Oh.
Deshaun Williams.
Yes.
How did he do?
He's an amazing man.
He's a rhodes scholar.
He invented an app
that invents apps.
Fantastic kisser.
Common, man.
I'm being serious.
It's no joke.
Darryl, we all know you.
Your interview is not nearly
as important as the other guy's.
First I'll take down
- the cubicle walls.
- But there aren't--
Symbol of transparency.
There'd be no titles.
Everyone has the same job.
Same goes for me.
I'd take your job,
but I'd reject the title.
A little unspecific.
Everyone would be known
for their accomplishments.
That's very interesting.
UmI feel like
there might be a conflict there,
and if a conflict did arise,
how would that be dealt with?
Oh!
Yeah.
Scratch everything from before.
I tell you what I'd do.
Go the other way.
More cubicles.
More division.
Everyone is somebody's boss,
and that person can fire
the person below them.
And once a month
the lowest-performing person--
Bye-bye.
How would you compare
like an accountant and HR?
Well, I'll tell you how,
shall I?
I'll tell you how.
Okay.
By splitting the difference.
Just--just somewhere
in the middle.
I think that's probably all
We need to hear from--
Zen office.
Thought of that?
That's what I'd do.
Everyone takes their shoes off
before they come in, okay?
There'd be no desks.
You just sit on the floor.
- That's very--
- You've got a thai woman
out in the back--
Sockee.
- Okay.
- Sockee.
- That's not--
- Sockee is her name, okay?
She's administering massage,
all right, if you need it.
If you don't, whatever.
Just talk to her.
She's a person.
Either way, 50 minutes of that,
and you
You are cracking to go.
- Is there a frontrunner?
- You know what?
They all just sort of blend
together after a while.
Well, there must be
someone who stands out.
No, not at all.
In fact, I'm not even
taking it seriously.
I think at the end of the day,
I'm just gonna pick
a name out of the hat.
The hell you will!
I worked for the last boss
for 15 years.
According to my doctor,
I don't have another 15 years
if I wanna keep up the same
dietary and sexual lifestyle,
which I intend to.
Oh, no, Stanley.
You'll live forever.
My next boss
will be my last boss.
He'll be at my funeral.
So I would appreciate it if
you would take this seriously.
You pick a crappy boss,
you're responsible
for my crappy life.
Okay, everybody.
I was just making a joke.
I am taking it seriously.
I promise.
Are you?
Little advice?
Take a day off
from the whole Jim shtick.
Try caring about something.
You might like how it feels,
James.
Hey, honey.
Oh, lord.
Take all this.
- All right.
- Here.
- Oh.
- Jim.
Did you hear stern
this morning?
- No.
Was he good?
- AhRobin was good.
She's always good.
Keeps him on his toes.
It's Howard's show, though.
Whose is this?
Darryl Philbin.
Oh.
Very nice to see
a familiar face on top.
Ah, a little long, aren't we?
Four pages?
Is this the same Darryl Philbin
who's had two jobs in ten years
at one company?
Yes, thanks to you
who promoted me
after we, uhlnterfaced.
"Coordinated and implemented
receipt, storage,
and delivery of over
Paper material, ma'am.
Paper material?
Pieces of paper.
Jo.
May I speak
to you for a second?
Or what?
You gonna shoot me?
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha
Oh, I enjoy laughing
at my mistakes.
Because I've learned
so much from them.
I'd like to be interviewed
for the position.
I'll interview you right now.
- Okay.
- Question one.
Ever shot a gun in the office?
It's complicated
Yeah, but seelt's not.
I don't think
we should tell her.
Angela went a whole day
without telling me
I had lettuce in my teeth.
Screw her.
I'm a woman.
I would want to know.
Yeah.
You gotta know.
Okay.
But if Angela
can get a gay man to marry her,
maybe I could get
a lesbian to marry me.
Huh?
Huh? Huh?
That's hot.
You have met a lesbian
in real life, right?
You know, this probably is
her last chance at a family.
She does seem happy.
You're right.
You're right.
She seems happy.
We don't tell her.
- We don't tell her.
- Okay.
Excuse me, Ms.
Bennett,
may I have a word?
Okay.
UhCan it be in private?
Don't worry.
It's not about you.
As minority executive,
I think it's my responsibility
to let you know
that Gabe is gross.
I don't think it's professional
that he was sleeping
with the receptionist,
and then when Erin dumped him
so that she could be with Andy,
he became a total
crazy stalker psycho.
Welcome to Scranton, Jo,
land of a thousand problems
only you can fix.
Oh, for God's sake.
He's texting me his resume
one line at a time.
These are costing me
I'm roaming!
Get me our biggest client
on the phone
right this instant.
Who is our biggest client?
Uh, just put him through to me.
Okay.
Hello, this is
The client.
It's Creed.
Fyi.
I'm starting
my own paper company.
Looking to poach some chumps.
You in?
- Yes.
- Cool!
Let's keep this on the qt,
okay?
I, uh, don't want you
to be a dead mammajamma.
- Great.
- All right, thank you.
- Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Jo, you have one more
candidate.
He's a burn victim.
He's all messed up.
I can tell him
to get lost if you want.
No.
Send him in.
Who is this?
- I have no idea.
- Oh, I know this guy.
Hello, Mr.
Souvenier.
Mr.
Jacques Souvenier?
Nice to meet you.
It says here you're French?
So you worked
at your last job for 15 years
as assistant
to the regional manager.
Assistant regional manager.
Assistant
to the regional manager.
- Assistant regional manager.
- What is it?
Assistant regional manager.
Oh.
That's my mistake.
Sorry about that.
The last paper company
you worked for
burned to the ground?
"All because they wouldn't
hire a manager
who lived and breathed paper.
"
That's a travesty.
I wanna talk to Dwight Schrute
for a second.
I wanna ask him a question.
Get Dwight.
If he isn't here
in 60 seconds
Wait, wait!
No.
Stop, stop.
Jo
It's me.
I'm Dwight.
No.
No.
Wait.
But--
I mean, you're Dwight
and then
He's the--
Yeah.
Very unprofessional, Jacques.
Or should I say Dwight?
Let's just say I had
hired this Jack Souvenier.
Then what?
I would have dressed
this way every day,
legally changed my name,
learned French sign language,
shown up, and been the best
damn branch manager
you'd ever seen.
All that for this job.
Yes.
That's [Bleep] Crazy.
Get outta here.
What a nut job.
This guy was good,
although he did keep saying
that he needed two weeks off
right at the beginning
for a trip to the Finger Lakes.
Seriously, every five minutes
he was like,
"hey, just making sure the
Finger Lakes thing is clear.
"
Okay.
It's fun to talk
about the rejects,
but, uh
Who's got ya excited?
Finger Lakes guy is good.
Darryl is also very good.
Who's this fellow?
Went to Cornell.
What's wrong with him?
How much time do you have?
Sales ability--none.
See sales ability.
And that's your unbiased
opinion.
- Yes, it is.
- So it's not relevant
that he took the receptionist
away from ya.
Aw, Jo.
Jo, I'm disappointed in you.
Some people let personal
things into the work--
is she with him?
Because I-I thought that--
- Gabe!
Ohh!
You got all close
to these people,
got involved in their lives.
Let's get ya back to Florida.
We'll figure out
something for ya.
That sounds like a promotion.
It's not.
Let's get Kelly in here
to take his place.
UmWhy Kelly?
'Cause Gabe's tall and weak.
She's short and strong.
I'm doing an opposites thing.
Okay.
How'd my girl Nelly do?
Oh.
I didn't know
you knew her.
- She didn't mention it?
- No.
Integrity move.
I like it.
Yeah, uh, she also
gave me reason to think
that maybe she wasn't
a good fit.
Well, I'm not saying
you must hire her.
If you find someone
who's clearly a fit, then fine.
Just make sure
they fit real good.
No more manager turnover.
Don't mess this up, Jim.
And give Dwight an interview.
I like a little bit of crazy.
- Ah!
- Erin, what are you doing?
I've been turned into a puppet.
Okay.
Look at the puppet.
Hi, puppet.
Who are you?
I went to drop off
the FedEx forms,
and an evil witch named Angela
turned me into a puppet!
Yeah.
Low blow, puppet.
And there's only one thing
that can change me back
into a real girl.
It's good.
It's just that
I wish the puppet
would talk more about
the alphabet.
Not for me, but
If any kids are watching.
A, b, and so forth.
You know.
M, N, L, O.
P.
F.
I need the most
special thing in the office.
Silence?
A date with
the best salesman
Andy Bernard!
Hey, Erin.
Oh.
Where'd you learn
how to puppet like that?
- I've done it all my life--
- Listen, I'm really flattered,
but I don't think we should.
Erin's my best friend
in this office,
hands down.
But
When she asked me out,
I just didn't have
that feeling, you know?
Aren't there some things
that you really want to like
but you just can't
seem to like it?
Like madmen or football.
Let's not forget.
Erin chose Gabe over me.
That happened.
I'm not gonna apologize
for getting over herOkay?
I'm sorry.
I would go for someone
who's more
She's great, though.
Stanley,
I won't be able to invite
everyone to the wedding,
because we wanna keep it
to 350.
- I'll get over it.
- I mean,
we just have to see
how many senators
and members of congress
want to attend
before we can open it up
to regular people.
Pam, you know how you and Jim
did your ironic wedding?
Do you still have the plans
for the dream wedding
that you couldn't afford?
That was our dream wedding.
Niagara falls?
Pregnant?
That was your dream?
Pork medallions?
I hope
You have a very beautiful
wedding, Angela.
All right.
Name.
Dwight Schrute.
Thank you, Mr.
Scnoot.
We will let you know.
- You have to interview me.
- I just did.
The answer to that one question
told me everything
I need to know.
I demand more questions!
All right, guys.
Good day.
A lot of candidates.
Let's discuss.
Okay.
If you're not gonna
interview me,
then I'll do it.
Yes.
What will be
your first priority?
I will have seven
first priorities.
Safety, profits,
fostering a community
of self-reliance
and entrepreneurship,
listening,
respect for human life,
bolstering our public image,
and
Getting everyone home on time.
Dwight, let me be Frank.
In an accident
that no one can blame you for,
an antique gun was discharged
while you were acting manager.
How are we ever
to trust you again?
That's a great question.
I am going to institute
a strict no firearms policy
for this office
that extends to myself as well.
Wow.
All of my concerns
are disappearing.
- Thank you, Dwight.
- Thank you.
You'll be hearing from us
shortly, Mr.
Schrute,
and I think you're going to
like the call
you're going to receive.
Oh, come on.
I'm just happy
that I got this meeting.
Well, that was quick.
Very, very interesting.
And you know what?
I'm impressed.
- He's not a real candidate.
- I don't know, Jim,
'cause it makes me think
about something
that my grandfather
used to say, which is that
sometimes the hand
that jumps out of the grave
and grabs you around the throat,
that is the hand
that you want on the wheel.
- You took the deal.
- Yeah.
It was a great deal.
- That's not okay.
- I don't know.
Dwight seems like
a great leader to me,
and I look forward
to the personal perks
that he promised me privately.
What do you think, Toby?
Well, we could try him out
for a little while.
If it doesn't work out,
you know,
maybe one of us could,
you know, step in
What is happening right now?
Is it true that you're
making Dwight the manager?
No.
Why would you
think that?
Well, he and Kelly said,
then they pre-fired me.
Okay.
Okay, guys,
just so you all know,
no decision has been made.
And Dwight is definitely
not the boss.
That is correct.
Actually, Dwight is not
the manager yet.
No, no, no, not-- Not ever,
'cause that's not gonna happen.
Well, it's not entirely
up to you, is it?
Seems to me like someone
is getting a little power mad.
Am I the only one who remembers
what he did
when he was in charge?
I feel like I'm going
a little bit crazy.
Tuna
You're completely sane.
- Thank you.
- Who do you like for the job?
Is there anyone who maybe
was a little underwhelming
at first
but now seems like a safe
If not slightly unexciting
choice?
Okay.
It seems like everybody
has an opinion, so who else?
Anybody?
Do you mean it?
Anybody?
Are you sure?
I suppose I am.
Okay.
Well, what do I want
in a manager?
Let me see.
What do I want?
I don't think he meant--
So now anyone gets to talk
at any time?
Go ahead.
What do I want?
I'm looking for someone
who
Everyone is listening to me.
- Can I say--
- Yes.
I think it should be Darryl.
- Okay.
- What a surprise.
Minorities sticking together.
Kelly's on your side.
I'm sorry, is that all
you think of me-- A minority?
I am so much more than that.
I am a dancer.
I'm a singer.
I'm a fashion designer.
Whoever it is,
I think they should be lame.
Kind of a nonthreatening,
moderate personality.
- I want an outsider.
- Perfect.
There are several outside
candidates that we think--
No, I mean an outsider.
Like someone
on the margins of society
who doesn't see things
the way we do,
like a homeless person.
A homeless person.
Really?
A homeless person.
No.
You're right, Pam.
Let's just leave them
to the welfare system
and let that handle it.
No, I want you to say
that you think the best person
to be our new manager
is a homeless person.
Let me guess who you want, Pam.
Rachael ray?
The ladies of the view?
I got away with everything
under the last boss,
and it wasn't good for me
at all.
So I want guidance.
I want leadership.
But don't just like
boss me around, you know?
Like lead me.
Lead me
When I'm in the mood
to be led.
I just want for once
a small, professional,
decisive,
well-hung man
in his 40s.
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Okay, fine.
Uh, the guy with a tiny penis.
Are you happy?
Let's hire that guy!
She may have a point there.
Would a small penis work?
Small to moderate.
Gotta catch a plane.
Oh, hey, Gabe, I'm sorry.
We didn't get you
a cake or anything.
We're gonna miss you.
Oh, well, I'm still the
corporate liaison to the branch.
You are not leaving
without giving me a hug.
Ugh!
Okay, you know what?
You don't need
to make that sound.
I'm sorry.
You were just a lot bonier
than I thought
you were gonna be!
There are plenty of people
who love touching me.
I'm a terrific hugger.
I've been with a bunch of girls
where that's basically
all they wanna do.
I will see you all soon.
Later, man.
- Good luck.
- We'll miss you.
Good luck at your new job.
Uh, listen up.
Listen up, ladies.
I want the job.
There.
I said it.
I'm educated.
I'm capable.
I like all of you,
and I won't make any changes.
I see it.
I see it like I see a Mountain
that I'm standing in front of
and facing and I'm liking.
Yeah.
Andy would be wonderful
as boss.
Erin made a good point.
No.
We're not related.
I got the call.
But
I'll tell her some other day.
What about Darryl?
We can all agree
that he's a stand-up guy, right?
Well, let me be clear.
I only speak for myself
and not myself and the senator.
I think we have
some wonderful candidates,
and there is a great
lively debate here.
But let's think about--
- No.
No.
No.
Sorry.
We cut Kevin off
for the same thing.
You have to have something
to say if you talk.
Exactly.
Jada.
No, no, no.
Jada, what are you do--
Oh.
So sorry, guys.
I hope my family
didn't disrupt your meeting.
Daddy, are these the people
who are making you manager?
Maybe, sweetheart.
Single dad.
Challenges.
I don't know
if he'd be a good manager,
but he's a really great dad.
Okay.
Shush.
This was a mistake.
Let's go.
It seems like
we all know enough to vote.
Should just vote now?
What? No, no, no.
It's not a vote.
Then what was this all about?
I don't know.
This conversation
really got away from me.
I don't care.
They can just vote.
No, they can't.
That's not how
this is gonna work.
We're going in this room.
We're gonna have a meeting.
We're gonna make
a recommendation to Jo,
and she's gonna give you her
recommendation on Monday, okay?
What the hell happened
out there?
Sometimes you hear people
talking about failing upwards.
I think I'm about to do that.
This job?
Oh, yeah, I'll get it.
Jo's an old friend.
I think
M her best friend.
She's not my best friend.
Every day,
I have a blueberry muffin.
Today I did not have
a blueberry muffin.
Should have had
the blueberry muffin.
Especially considering how
incredibly superstitious I am.
No.
I've never been more sure
of anything in my life.
I will be the new boss of
Vance refrigeration.
Honestly, I think I--
I sabotaged myself.
It's like I'm afraid
of being happy.
Case in point
I was supposed to start
another job today.
I will get offered the job.
That's aCall I've received
many times.
The slight
Hopefulness in their voice,
the pregnant pause
while they
Wait to hear my response.
And then
My response.
I want the job.
I really do.
It's just the rest
of my family's
in the Finger Lakes right now.
I'm supposed to be
in the Finger Lakes right now.
I told 'em I was on a hike,
snuck away to do this interview.
I gotta get back pretty soon.
They'll worry.
People disappear
in the Finger Lakes.
I will run this branch
or I will destroy this branch.
OrI don't know.
Something always works out.
You remind me so much
of my fourth biggest client.
Is that right?
I think you two should meet.
Well, okay
Hey, Jordana, patch my ninth
and my fourth biggest client
together.
Hello?
Hello!
Hi, how are ya?
Oh, I'm good!
Don't you just love paper
and things about paper?
Hey! Are you single? This seems
like a love connection to me!
*
